Being Sick

I thought I would give some explanation as to why I have not posted in so long.( and also because it has taken up so much of my time!) At the beginning of November the family all got the swine flu. It has hard and not fun, but we all made it through great. Except me. It seemed to hit me really hard and longer then anyone else in the family. I just thought it had to do with me having to take care of everyone, but it I noticed all the flu like symptoms where gone and now I had pain in my left upper side. Right by my stomach and spleen and under my rib cage. The pain was bad. To make some VERY long weeks short, I ended up in the ER three times, was told I had a blood clot in my lungs, to be told right a way it was a misdiagnoses, have had x-rays and CT scans to last a life time and more blood drawn then any normal person should have, the doctors have finally found some kind of answer. I have an enlarged sleep and to cysts on my kidneys. The right kidney has a 5 ml cyst on it and the left side (the side with all the pain) as a 15 ml cyst on it. Between the enlarged spleen and the cyst I am having some pressure put on some of my organs. I can have pain from my lower back to up in my shoulder. Including really bad difficulty breathing I don't think I have ever been is so much pain. Sadly I have had to start living off pain killers. I hate how they make me feel! I feel like a slave to them. I am watching myself (as is Jake) very carefully to monitor how much and how often I take the. I really, really don't want to get dependent on them. I have not been able to drive during all of this. It is really depressing. So, you ask, what the heck are they going to do for you? Well, I really don't know. I was giving the results today and am going to meet with the doctor again on Tuesday for more tests. They need to check and see if the cysts are infected and why spleen is enlarged. (which could be from and infected cyst) It has been a very trying time for me. I am short on patients because of the pain and lack of being able to sleep. I am so drugged I am not able to craft or do much of anything. I wasn't able to make neighbor gifts, teacher gifts or co-worker gifts and there will be no Christmas card this year. The only reason my house is decorated and presents wrapped is because of Jake and mom. They have been such a huge help! Jake is playing both parent rolls right now. He is doing such a great job but I am looking forward to being able to do all of my job! I love being a wife and mother. My mom has come up every weekend through all of this. My two younger sisters and niece are coming on Wednesday and Jake has the entire week after Christmas off. I am in good hands. I think that is a pretty good over view of how my life as gone for the past six or seven weeks. I am trying very hard to keep a positive attitude and find things I can do without causing too much pain. I am very much looking forward to Christmas and spending some time with my family. I will post soon, as soon as I know more information at to what the heck they are going to do with me. Merry Christmas!